(Jim Black. Just... Jim Black.)
JB: The worst thing about achieving so much so soon in a career is that it can leave you dead inside.
(Jim Black sits behind a well-worn writing desk. As he talks, he is writing on a sheet of vellum with a ridiculously-ornate ostrich quill pen.)
JB: I, Jim Black, Magnificent Bastard, thank you, did achieve it all and I did it all too soon. Within moments of my professional debut, I was a "world" champion. Within weeks of arriving in the WWA I was doing the undoable, beating the unbeatable and Jim-Blacking the unJim-Blackable. I even carried Showtime to a tag team title once. Seriously, everything I have set out to do, I have done.
(Jim continues to scribble, pausing occasionally to blow on the ink.)
JB: I won't bore you with details because I am a considerate guy. But to make my long story short, being Jim Black means making the impossible possible and the insurmountable seem simple. It is a terrible curse. Like Alexander before me, I saw nothing more to conquer and I wept. Metaphorically, mind you.
(Jim Black pauses again, this time to admire his penmanship.)
JB: Sure, I can win the world title again, but really? Been. That. Done. It just will not be as satisfying as it once was. I mean, do I congratulate myself every time I take a step or use the toilet? Not as much anymore, no. I need new accomplishments. Hence, the Jim Black Bucket List.
(Jim Black points at the list.)
JB: Yes, WWA fans, like an entitled baby-boomer who is dissatisfied with his easy and unfulfilled life, I have decided to write down what I want to achieve before I die. Again, metaphorically. I have grown tired of the usual Jim Black cycle of "see title, win title, get bored, leave."
(Again Jim Black points at his list.)
JB: This time around, in addition to the inevitable title wins (because c'mon. I'm me), I intend to set some personal goals. Which leads me to my point.
(Jim Black accentuates his point by pointing again at the list.)
JB: This "bucket list" has ten things I have yet to do or have failed to do in the past.
(Jim Black laughs.)
JB: Me fail. Heh, I kill me. But seriously, number 1 on this list is, and I quote, "Beat Eddie Van Dorn within an inch of his life."
(Indeed, it says just that.)
JB: And since I am Jim Black...
(Jim Black checks his drivers' license.)
JB: ...yep, I am Jim Black, I always do whatever I want. I amd EVD have both been around for a long time. Of course while he had to climb and scrape and earn all of his accolades the "hard way", I of course just waltzed in an did it all easily. That must really eat at you Eddie. Seeing someone seemingly have everything handed to him (me), while you had to work hard to be even a pale shadow of me.
(Jim Black shrugs.)
JB: So waddya say Eddie? Will ol' Lil let you come out and play? By the way, whatever she told you about me? Half-truths at best.
(Fade.)
